The Spider That Made Me Wet Myself

It was Friday night and I was home by myself (Noah not included) Gabriel was away at a retreat. I had the house to myself.

It was after 8:00 PM when I went to use the bathroom off of my bedroom. I had left the light off because the bedroom light was on and provided me with what I thought was enough light to see, but as I was sitting there, mid-flow, I looked over and there on the wall just above the toilet paper was a spider the size of my palm!

In that moment I levitated off of the toilet seat away from the spider and toward the shower - still peeing! The spider of course noticed the crazy human leaping around and marking her territory at the same time and fled behind the bathroom door.

I quickly ran out of the bathroom and to the hall toilet to finish my business.

Not wanting to waste any more time (who knows where that thing could get to if left alive and unwatched!) I run to the kitchen to grab the can of DOOM. But all I can find is an all but empty can. Undeterred I take the pathetic remains of bug spray (worse case scenario I could always beat the spider to death with it...) and rush back to the room. Armed with the poison in one hand and one of Gabriel's shoes in the other (like I'm going to have smooshed spider on one of my shoes!)

I carefully open the bathroom door, and bid farewell to the eight-legged-freak. Standing at a safe distance I take aim and fire - knowing full well what little spray I have won't kill it, but hoping it will drop off of the wall so I can smash it with the shoe! But the dastardly devil will not succumb that easily. He races up the wall and onto the ceiling. I dart out of the way in fear that he may attack from above. Once again I use the full and final force the can of DOOM will allow, but it only drives him further along the ceiling until he is over the shower.

I stand at a loss for a couple of seconds. Our ceiling is too high for me to squish it there, so I need something to knock it down... Inspiration hits like lightening and I grab a wad of toilet paper and quickly wet it. Standing on top of the toilet seat I hurl my wet projectile at the spider. One wad after another I miss. It is as though this spider is the arachnid version of Neo from the Matrix, dodging bullets!

Eventually I chuck the empty toilet paper roll at the thing. Nadda. I look around for something else to throw at it when I see the can of air-freshener on the window-sill. With a triumphant laugh I spray the spider once more. For a second there it doesn't seem to faze it, but then finally it drops. I let out a scream, because lets face it - I'm a girl, but wasting not a second longer I rip back the shower curtain and bring down the full wrath of the shoe in hand.

Victory at last! Now I can go to sleep in peace.... After I clean up the puddle on the floor, of course!